KiHap!
by wordweaver93
Summary: House and the gang start martial arts, but House doesn't do discipline. Beware: this story is only semi serious. One shot for now, but I might continue it if I feel like it. If so, it will probably be House/Thirteen. Read and review, please.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm aware of how ridiculous this idea is, but I had to do it. House and martial arts. Just for fun. Maybe House/Thirteen relationship if I choose to continue. Enjoy! And FYI, ki-hap means shout. I'll define commands at the end from now on, if again I decide to continue. And if I do, the chapters will be short.**

**Ki-Hap!**

"This is ridiculous," House grumbled in pure annoyance as he glanced down at his outfit. He found himself adorned in a black kung-fu top that was fastened down the front by white clasps of thin rope and white training pants. He wore a white belt tied tightly about his waist. Beside him, Cuddy stood, clad similarly, as was Wilson on his other side. Across the narrow end of the rectangular room, the floor of which was covered with the sort of mat used by gymnasts to cushion falls, his fellows and former fellows were dressed in white Taekwondo uniforms, also wearing white belts, and stretching before their class.

"It's relaxing and has all kinds of health benefits," Cuddy retorted. Of corse she would defend it. It was her idea to involve the hospital staff in martial arts. The dean had given everyone a choice: Tai Chi or Taekwondo. With his leg, however, House was forced to choose the least interesting of the two evils while his team learned to kick butt and take take names. Even so, he thought both martial arts were wastes of time.

"When has that ever convinced me?"

Wilson sighed. "House, just give it a rest. At least try it."

House was about to reply with a smug and probably offensive comment when he glanced up and saw a man, appearing to be in his thirties, dressed like his team with the exception of a black belt. Next to him stood another, also with a black belt.

"I see you're displeased, Dr. House," the first of the two said, the smile never leaving his face. He was of Asian decent, but spoke without an accent, causing House to believe he took over teaching from his father or grandfather.

"You bet," the man in question replied.

"Well, we'll just have to change that, now won't we? I'm Master Kent, by the way. I sincerely hope that the three of you begin to enjoy Tai Chi." Despite his kind demeanor, Master Kent held an air of intimidation, and without understanding why, House backed off. "This," the Master Instructor continued, gesturing to the other man, "is Mr. Carson, our senior instructor. He will be teaching you as I teach your colleagues."

"I'm sure I'll enjoy working with all of you," Mr. Carson grinned, obviously passionate about martial arts.

"I'm not," House scoffed.

"Discipline, Gregory, discipline," Master Kent chided. "You may be head of diagnostics at one of the nation's leading hospitals, but here, the only rank that matters is the one around your waist, and even that can be invalidated, seeing as it is the person who makes the belt." With that, he crossed the room to the fellows, leaving house, Cuddy, and Wilson with Mr. Carson. House sighed in frustration, realizing that he been subdued by a man in pajamas. As he did so, he glanced over at the other doctors as they began their training, watching as Thirteen launched a turing kick to a target pad held by Master Kent, kihaping loudly. The kick was fast, powerful, and accurate, and when she pulled back House couldn't help but think tough girls are incredibly sexy.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I've decided to continue, but don't hold your breath for updates. This is kind of on the side, away from my main projects. I have a glossary of martial arts terms at the end of the chapter. I'd also like to make it clear that all martial arts systems are different, even within the same style. I don't want any martial artists telling me that I'm getting stuff wrong, because, for the most part, this is how my system does things. I did change several aspects, like removing the student oath or having Tai Chi and Taekwondo students train at the same time, to prevent the identification of my system, and therefore my school's location as well as simply to make the story work.

**Disclaimer:** Because I forgot to put one in the last chapter, I own none of these characters nor do I own the show. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.

Two excited, three indifferent, and one anxious doctor stood in a line at the back of the training hall. They were told prior to the class that they needed to line up according to rank, but they were all white belts, and therefore the group of intrepid doctors ordered themselves based on seniority at the hospital, Cameron at the front as head of the ER, and Kutner at the back as House's junior-most fellow, all the others falling in between. Speaking of Kutner, he and Thirteen were the excited two, Taub, Foreman, and Chase could have cared less, and Cameron was nervous to the point that she was sweating slightly. And indeed, despite her elation, Thirteen too found herself nervous. But it was the good, can't wait for what's next type of nervous, not the reluctant, apprehensive type.

"Charyot!" came a voice from across the training hall, the source of which was growing closer. The doctors all stood at attention, ready for what was to come. "Good," the voice spoke again. Within seconds, Master Kent strode into Thirteen's peripheral vision. "Very good. From this moment on, you are my students, but keep in mind, I will teach you martial arts, but you must choose to learn. If you do that, you will walk away from each and every class enriched, but if not, you will gain nothing, yes?" Some of the group before him nodded their heads, but most did nothing to acknowledge that they understood him. "When spoken to," Master Kent continued, not unkindly, "you will respond with 'Yes, sir', 'No, sir', and the like. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir!" the group replied in unison.

"I wouldn't stress this unless it was important. Loosely translated, Taekwondo means the way of the foot and fist. But it is about much more than that. It is about discipline, respect, courtesy, and etiquette; all of which are things that Dr. House seems to lack," he added jokingly. Thirteen couldn't help stifle a laugh. "Now that you have an elementary understanding of the philosophy, let's go!" Master Kent clapped his hands and the doctors took this as a command to line up down the center of the training hall.

Once doing so, they spaced themselves out and watched as Master Kent made his way to the front of the room. "Allison, you're the class senior. Time to bow in." It was then that Thirteen realized why Cameron had been so nervous.

"Face the front!" the woman in question said. "Charyot! Gyeong rey!" The new students stood at attention and bowed. "Face the Master Instructor! Charyot! Gyeong rey!" Master Kent turned and smiled.

"Excellent. Let's get started. On the floor to stretch." And as they stretched, Thirteen couldn't help but steal glances at House, Wilson, and Cuddy from across the training hall. House appeared to be arguing comically with Mr. Carson, their Tai Ji instructor, his arms flailing, probably mocking the movements they were to memorize. She thought about what Master Kent had said, and how House really wasn't in the correct mindset for martial arts. The man had even predicted the failure of his team to do well. It was then that Thirteen decided that she would show him.

"As this is your first class," Master Kent said, "we'll do something simple." He walked over to a shelf in the back of the training hall and returned carrying a target pad. He stood at Cameron's end of the line. "Face me," the Master instructed. The doctors did as bidden as Master Kent held the target pad out in front of him. "We'll do some turning kicks, or roundhouse kicks if you prefer. Now, charyot! Junbi!" The doctors fell into the ready position. "Right defensive guard!" Everyone adopted the specified position, which was more or less a fighting stance. Master Kent then demonstrated the kick once, before the students were allowed to try for themselves. Cameron was well balanced, but her kick lacked power. Chase's attempt was the opposite. Foreman was not nearly fast enough, and Taub was incapable of kicking at the height of the pad, forcing Master Kent to lower it. When Thirteen's turn came, she did her best to imitate what she had been shown, and did so flawlessly. "Excellent," the Master said as she finished the technique. From the end of the line, Thirteen strained to see Kutner, and from what she could tell, he did just as well as she. After looking through her class at to the other end of the room, however, she saw House watching her, his face not nearly as unreadable as he would have hoped.

"This will be interesting," she whispered to herself.

* * *

**Glossary and Pronunciation of Commands and Terms**

**Charyot (cherry-ut): stand at attention, hands at sides, head up, back straight**

**Gyeong rey (gun-ray): bow**

**Junbi (junebee): ready position, feet shoulder width apart, hands (in fists) held in front of belt**

**Baro: return to ready position**

**Swieo (shaw): relax, at ease**

**Sijak (seeja)- begin**

**Right defensive guard: fighting stance, fists up, standing on the balls of your feet, left hand and foot are in front so that the right is the open side. Opposite left defensive guard.**

**Horse stance: feet out wide, toes pointed inward, knees bent deeply. often used for punching or for breathing exercises. builds leg strength. **

**Sing lee: Tai Chi command for bow**

**Lee sen: Tai Chi command for stand at attention**

_Come back to this if you need to throughout the story. These are the basics, but if I need to use more, I'll put them at the end of the chapter the terms appear in._


End file.
